The dietitian's suggestions so far

Well it's almost a week since I went to see the dietitian and I've got a follow up appointment tomorrow so I got to thinking about what I might tell her. I had half an idea to postpone the appointment for a couple of weeks because there's a transitional period while I get used to the new routines and foods while clearing the pantry and fridge of the old and so on so there's really not a lot of progress to report at this stage.

My weight hasn't changed more than a kg either way (that I can tell) but I'm positive for the most part that I'm on the right track. ie I figure adding the healthier choices to my current diet will better nourish my body and decrease my appetite gradually over a week or three, and so far that appears to be happening.

Case in point: I have a real problem with snacking in between 6 & 9 pm and I don't even have to be hungry. The desire to eat during this time is overwhelming. At any other time of the day I'm fine and can comfortably ignore cravings and cope quite easily with being hungry, but during those hours at night I really struggle. While the first few days weren't any different at all (I was basically just over-eating on healthy snacks), I started to settle noticeably from about Wednesday on.

By Wednesday I was struggling to eat a Subway sandwich for lunch when usually it barely touches the sides, and both yesterday and today I was even hungry at breakfast time. That's something I can't say that I've felt for a long time. Normally I only eat breakfast because I know I should, and in the hope that I won't get as hungry later at night.

Exercise wise I wasn't happy at all to drop my morning rides at first. Without that burst of energy to start the day I felt grumpy and tired and the feeling didn't subside much during the day. But then my night time workouts were much better. I was a lot stronger on the bike and eager to take on heavier weights in the gym.

Still, without that morning ride I don't seem to be waking up properly and that feeling lingers on even today. It could be that I just need more sleep or I'm fighting off a minor virus so I'll give it another week yet before I get too worried but if it doesn't improve I think I'll consider starting them up again. However, I do need to ensure I keep it at a low intensity and I know that's often easier said than done. I might have to disconnect the speedo or something perhaps...

Anyway, I'm positive I'm on the right track and I'll be able to get the nocturnal snacking under control and hopefully see my portion sizes and cravings naturally reduce over the next few weeks so the damn scales start moving in the right direction again.

The dietitian

After making it well and truly into the morbidly obese category at 150 kgs, about 3 years ago while dealing with clinical depression and more stress that I've probably ever been under in my life, I somehow managed to start turning things around. I bought a bike and started eliminating the obvious dietary problems and within 18 months I'd lost 30 kgs. However since then I 've been unable to progress much beyond that. If I gain weight above that 120 kgs mark I can lose it quite easily (as happened after I bought an automatic coffee machine). If I drop below 120 kgs I invariably become ravenously hungry and lethargic until I put it back on again. (This seems to happen on a 6 - 8 week cycle).

It's like my body is fighting to keep me at this weight for some reason.

I'm reading the Jon Gabriel method at the moment and will definitely put some of his ideas into practice. His main idea is that the body has evolved survival techniques that cause it to go into fat storage mode when put under certain types of stresses. ie It wants to be fat because it thinks you need to be fat to survive, and while it wants to be fat you're fighting a losing battle to lose weight. The answers are many and varied and include getting proper nourishment from natural and organic foods which will decrease hunger and cravings, exercising in certain styles which inspire the body to want to shed weight for survival rather than retain it, and relaxation and visualisation techniques to learn to "speak" to the subconscious survival processes to tell them you don't need fat to survive right now. All good stuff!

Anyway, being pretty much at my wit's end with this plateau I've been stuck on for so long I decided to take up my Dr's offer of a few visits to a dietitian. I wasn't sure what I was expecting really and my initial impressions were that I'd wasted my time & money.

Firstly her scales weren't up to the job and we had to give up trying to weigh me in the end because they just wouldn't settle down. I could vary the reading by 10-20 kgs either way by leaning forward & backwards. It made me wonder how much experience she had with heavy people if she didn't even have a scale that could weigh me.

Then I got the usual "eat healthy & exercise" spiels and "go for 2&5", "find your 30" and so on, but then when I whipped out a detailed account of my diet and exercise programs she started to take me a little more seriously.

I was thinking that my 2-3 exercise sessions per day could be causing more harm than good and I should go back to a single session, perhaps with more intensity, and she definitely agreed with that. I haven't been giving my body anywhere near enough recovery time and that increases cortisol levels and appetite. (Interestingly pretty much what Job Gabriel suggests).
So, effective immediately, I'm alternating a weight routine one day with a bike session the next (Body for Life method style) and will have one full rest day per week.

Diet wise she was able to see quite a few areas that could use improvement including:

• dropping the protein shakes and supplements. She considers that these really only benefit someone on an ultra low fat diet. In my case she thinks I'll be much better off with some nutritional improvements here and there to my existing diet.
• adopting healthier snacks like raw nuts, fruits, veges and even cereal, muesli bars & low fat cheese or homus on rice crackers.
• choosing low fat options where possible
• drinking more water. eg start each meal with a glass of water.

Again, pretty much what Job Gabriel suggests so I'm confident it's all going in the right direction.

None of this is rocket science of course and I guess that's where some of my disappointment in the dietitian's advice stems from, but then pointing out the obvious can be extremely helpful sometimes and maybe that's just what I needed.

I feel I'm on the right track to start seeing more changes again now anyway. It may take a week or two before things start happening but I'm confident they will. :)

Kids!

Funny how things go sometimes.

Friday night my workout partner couldn't make it and I wasn't much in the mood for a workout anyway so I decided to take the kids to the park for a bit of a run around instead. Rowan, my youngest at 5, decided he didn't really feel like walking and also had hopes of venturing to a more distant park so asked if we could take the bike & trailer. No worries thinks I, figuring it'll save me the walk too since I was feeling less than energetic anyway.

So we arrive at the park (about 5 minutes away) and I start kicking a football around with the oldest while the other two head off to the playground equipment.

A few minutes later I hear crying and Rowan calling "Daddy, Daddy!"

He's not screaming or anything though and I turn to see him walking towards me about 100 metres away holding his right forearm. At that point I couldn't see what he'd done but I knew something was out of the ordinary. He's a tough little bugger and would generally either make a lot of noise for a minute or two for a skinned knee or similar or he'd just plain ignore it and get on with things.

This was different, and when we got a bit closer I saw just how bad it was. His arm was seriously broken. Going by the weird angle his forearm had taken on I knew he'd broken both the radius and ulna bones. I'm still not sure exactly how it happened but apparently he just fell off the monkey bars just like he has hundreds of times before. According to his brother and another witness at the park it didn't look like anything serious when he fell, so it must have just been the worst possible angle to put his hand down or something like that.

I knew from seeing this type of injury on TV shows such as MTV's Scarred that he was going to be ok but I suddenly felt very, very cold. I was also worried he'd need surgery with rods and pins to hold it all back in place to heal and no little one should have to go through that kind of pain.

At that point I was suddenly grateful I'd bought the bike and trailer and I could get him home quicker than I could any other way, but then I was conflicted with the thought that we wouldn't have even come to the park if things had've gone to plan that afternoon...

So I bundle him into the trailer and set off for home. Normally the drag caused by the extra weight of the trailer is quite noticeable but this time I'm barely aware it's there, even up the hills.

I tell Paula, my wife what has happened. She asks me if I'm sure it's broken.

"Ummm... take a look."

"Oh my God!"

"Do we drive him to emergency or call an ambulance"

She looks at me like I'm an idiot.

"An ambulance of course"

Incidentally, if you're ever unsure about whether an injury is serious enough for an ambulance, call an ambulance. Patients who arrive by ambulance get priority in the emergency ward amongst other things.

The ambulance arrives literally about 2 minutes later. (It turns out they were on their way to a scheduled call out just around the corner from here when our call came in). They're calm and they take their time checking Rowan's vitals as they start giving him pain medication. All this time he'd been wimpering but holding up well, but I think he's in a bit of shock too. Paula is extremely distressed, as am I.

The poor littlies are so dependant on us (even though they like to think they're not) but in this situation we're helpless. There's nothing we can do to fix things other than holding their hands as they go through it all.

Soon Rowan is carried out and put on a stretcher with Paula who's accompanying him on the journey to the hospital. I ask one of the ambos if he thinks Rowan will need surgery and he thinks he will, but he's seen far worse fractures in his time.

The stretcher is rear-facing in the ambulance and they've got Paula sitting up slightly with Rowan on her lap. On the way to the hospital she gets motion sickness and throws up in the ambulance.

Hours later I get a call to let me know he's just come out of the theatre and he didn't require surgery after all, however Paula's not 100% confident at that stage but she can't see any wires or anything sticking out and the Dr indicated as much from what she can remember but their meeting was brief.

There's five other kids with broken arms there as well but Rowan gets the prize for the most interesting angle that night.

It turns out he had a double greenstick fracture which the Dr was able to push back into place before setting in plaster, so no surgery was required after all. Whew!

He has to stay the night though so the nurses find a trolley for Paula to sleep on and she spends the night in her clothes. Not much sleep happens however amongst all the moaning and crying around them and the normal noises of an emergency ward in full swing, but perspective sets in when you start hearing about some of the problems other people are in there for around you.

I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep that night too and wasn't much fun to be around. Oh, I knew in the greater scheme of things this wasn't such a major deal and he was going to be just fine but you just hate seeing your kids hurt like that, especially when they're so little.

Driving home from the hospital the next day Rowan seems to be in pain and feverish but it could be just fatigue as he hasn't had more than a few hours sleep. He cries a bit and whines about being hot, demanding we turn the air conditioning up. His brothers try to help by shielding him from the sun. Felix (7) the middle one, is crying too. He tends to channel negative energy and gets distressed when others are distressed.

Later that day things are settling back into normal. The two big ones are playing with the XBox and Rowan is kicking back on the couch in his new bright blue cast, watching Nickelodeon on the plasma, a lot happier now with a few doses of Panadol in him.

I decide to take my bike up the coast to the brother-in-law (who works at the bike shop I purchased the bike from) to get the broken hub replaced under warranty and have him look at a few other things while it's there.

Lately I've been worrying about the economy and how my business has slowed down as a result. Some economists are predicting a real estate crash in the next 12 months too so I'm considering the possibility that not only might the business drop even further and end up no longer viable, but I might also end up with a house worth less than my mortage too.

I'm driving along thinking about that and then switching back to how I felt seeing Rowan hurt and I have a revelation. It wouldn't matter to me one iota if I lost everything. As long as my family was safe and together I'd find a way to soldier on.

That's all that matters.

Well maybe at least one bike too... ;)

Hey, no weight gain!

After last week's lapses I thought for sure I'd be looking at a good 2 kg weight gain for the week but come the weigh-in on Monday morning I was exactly the same as the previous week. The truly depressing aspect of that is the realisation that I can "not gain weight" whether I completely let myself go or if I try my hardest to lose weight.

Why try then?

Anyway, I've been only slightly entertaining the idea of joining one of the established diets or weight loss plans like Weight Watchers, The Great Aussie Diet, The CSIRO Diet, Jenny Craig, Atkins, Gut Busters (etc, etc etc) or even accepting my Doctor's offer of some free visits to a dietitian. The reason I've been resisting them is because I'm not at all confident I'll be able to stick to them. I know my problem is mostly in my head. Sure, getting enough sleep and sticking to low GI foods makes sticking to the plan so much easier by keeping the cravings to a minimum, at the end of the day I need to figure out why I want to be fat.

Even saying that out loud is kind of a revelation. I want to be fat?

If I want to be fat why do I do all this exercise? Why do I plan my diet? Why do I hate seeing photographs of myself or catching a glimpse of myself in a mirror or shop window? Why am I so full of self loathing when I think about my body or my health?

But I must want to be fat. If I didn't want to be fat I wouldn't be.

There's something in my brain telling me to be fat or telling me to eat in response to just about every stressor that I feel so that's what I need to tackle. I need to find out why my brain reacts that way and what I can do to make it react in another way. If I get to the bottom of that I know it will all fall into place. I won't be able to eat more than I need. The very idea will seem appalling to me and the weight should start coming off naturally.

It was while thinking about this I remembered articles I'd seen on TV about Jon Gabriel "thinking himself thin" from a staggering 187 kg down to 83 kg in just 2 years with no diet, no surgery and no saggy skin at the end of it.

Jon theorises that our bodies "want to be fat" as a survival mechanism in response to stress. A reaction that's no longer appropriate in our western society in these modern times.

From this article in Perth Now:

What he discovered was a famine and temperature (FAT) switch linked to the hypothalamus in the brain. When turned "on" by mental, emotional or physical stress, it renders a person incapable of burning fat due to subtle changes in hormones and chemical levels.

Gabriel concluded people are not fat solely because they overeat. Nor are they weak, lazy, overindulgent or undisciplined. They’re fat because "their body wants them to be fat" – a genetic survival mechanism linked to times of ancient famine and extreme cold when it was a case of survival of the fattest.

"We don’t have those stresses any more, but we still have stress, which can trick our body into holding on to weight and fighting for its life," Gabriel says. But not all stress causes the same effect in everyone. "It can see one person become morbidly obese and the other anorexic."

Reprogramming his eating habits to be more "in tune" with his body, the former fast-food junkie began craving "fresh, live and vibrant" foods including salads and fruit instead of sugar-enriched "dead carbs". Exercise consisted of a 20-to-30-minute bike ride and 10-20 minutes of lifting weights, three times a week. However, the most important tool was visualisation – imagining his ideal body (a teen weighing 82kg). It wasn’t long before the weight began to disappear with Gabriel losing about 450g a week.

Sounds like he's onto something here so I've ordered the book. I'll let you know how I go, although I won't expect miracles overnight. ;)

The 120 kg nemesis

My old nemesis is back. As reported back in April it seems every time I dip below 120 kgs on the scales, even by just 1kg, something goes wrong to make sure I end up back at that weight very quickly. It also seems to happen on a 6 - 8 week cycle as reported back in July.

This week my appetite has been completely unbearable. I've been absolutely ravenous and at the same time I feel completely washed out when it comes to doing anything physical. I've missed two workouts and my bike rides have been lacklustre to say the least. It feels like I'm overtrained but I backed off the training a fortnight ago and I've been watching the intensity levels so I don't understand why that would be.

I started suspecting body fat set point theory again but that doesn't have any scientific basis so I sat down and had a look at what the problem might really be and I realised that I'm totally sleep deprived at the moment. I know for a fact that I've missed a lot of sleep in the last few weeks due to computer problems and various other nonsense so I've been lucky if I've averaged 6 hours a night for quite some time. (I should be getting 8-9 hours with my current level of exercise). A couple of cappuccinos a day instead of just one or sticking to decaf like I'm supposed to be probably doesn't help much either.

Sleep deprivation = increased cortisol levels = increased hunger and cravings.

I'm also looking at diet and I realised I've allowed a couple of high GI additions to sneak in such as jam on a piece of toast with brekky and a few bickies scattered throughout the day.

High GI foods = insulin spikes = increased hunger and cravings.

Yep, I let the balance teeter in favour of some bad practices. Some of that couldn't be helped but I should have been faster to spot bad trends and nipped them in the bud. I didn't need to keep staying up late after doing it a few nights in a row and I didn't need to exacerbate the problem by eating high GI snacks just because my cortisol levels were up and I was craving them.

On a positive note I probably needed an off week anyway to allow my body a bit of extra recovery time so that's what I'll call it anyway and move on now. No point giving up when I've got this far but it would be very easy for me to give up the way I'm feeling right now. I'm am so totally pissed off that I can't seem to progress much beyond this point even in spite of all the increases in strength and endurance I've experienced over the last year or so.

It's going to take a few days to pay back my sleep debt so I'll make a concerted effort in that regard right away and hopefully these awful cravings will start to diminish and I can get back to getting on with it.

I made a promise to myself I'd hold off making the gearing a little taller on my single speed until I hit 100 kgs. Looking forward to that day. ;)
Taller gearing will allow me to go faster on the flats and downhills but I'll need to be a lot lighter and/or stronger to pedal up the hills. (Lighter would be better. Big weight + big power is tough on the bike and means lots of broken stuff).